Teacher Judo!

For those who intend to stay in school any period of time it is helpful to know a few little tips in order to survive. Learning how to sleep while sitting up, how to conceal a text, and how to suck up to a teacher are all very important concepts that just about every high schooler already knows, but only a select few have mastered the finer arts of school survival. Foremost among these skills is teacher judo. What is teacher judo you might ask? It does not involve throwing screaming "Hiya!" at the top of one's lungs while throwing one's teacher onto a desk as might be suspected, but instead is a highly effective means of avoiding rebuke and shifting the teacher's attention onto another student at the same time, avoiding the 'hot seat', so to speak. Here is how it is done:

1. The teacher asks you to answer a question that you have absolutely no idea how to answer
2. You say something that sounds really smart and that pertains to the subject at hand, though it does not answer the question at all, and discreetly direct the teacher's attention to a fellow classmate (this can be through mentioning their name, pretending that you are partners, or a not-so-discreet glance)
3. The teacher thinks that you have done your part, and now is focused on the unsuspecting victim

Here is an example:
Teacher: Bill, could you tell me what you and your partner thought about the discussion board?
(Bill had no partner during the dialogue, was half asleep, and didn't even realize that the class had done anything)

Bill: Yeah, we talked about how it seemed like a very difficult subject filled with complexities, didn't we Bryce?
(Bryce is unwilling to make you seem like a liar in front of the entire class so he goes with the flow. The teacher is now staring at him intently, waiting for him to expand upon the subject)

Bryce: Uh, yeah. (glances at Bill) It was definitely a loaded topic. There are certainly a lot of different views one could take on the subject, and it's really hard to see things in black and white here...

Teacher: Yes, but Bryce could you be more specific?

Bryce: Uh, no ma'am. I didn't read the chapter.
(condescending glance from the teacher)

TEACHER JUDO!

The Crucifixion According to Bean

As I get geared back up for juvee this year I'm reminded of one conversation in particular from last year . One night one of the guys asked what Jesus' crucifixion was. Bean, another inmate, took it from there.

"You don't know what Jesus' crucifixion is? I know, I know! They brought Jesus in, and He didn't do no bad stuff. I mean, He's Jesus. He's good, He can't sin. So they bring Jesus in and are blaming Him for all these things, and Jesus is just standing there, and He's like (tilts chin up defiantly) 'Yeah, so what?'. And Jesus didn't do any of this stuff, but the people keep blaming Him, and then they nailed Him to the cross man. And He was up there for a while, and then He died and spent three days in the grave, and then came back to life, and went to Heaven. And that's what happened."

Well done, Bean. I couldn't of said it better myself.