Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Dear Morgan and Braedon,

I caught these 2 dinos, and well...

Cause mischief and trouble
Is all that they do
I was at a loss
So I sent them to you

They decide to play music
Late into the night
And whenever I see them
They'll run out of sight



They tip over trash cans
And hide my car keys
Fly behind my ear
And proceed to sneeze


They mess with my phone
Without my ok
I finally caught them
Just yesterday


Messing in the fruit basket
Mushing all my bananers
Please Morgan and Braedon
Teach them some manners.


Friday, July 11, 2014

Conversation Over

Personal trainer: "Are you diabetic?

Client: "No. I'm just fat."

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Ebola Virus Outbreak

Personally, when it comes to epidemiology, I'm more interested in chronic conditions. Curing diabetes, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and so on tend to hold my attention a little better than acute conditions.

That being said though, viruses, parasites, and bacteria can be pretty interesting to study as well. Why? They tend to be a little bit more frightening.

For example, did you know that the world's largest outbreak of ebola virus in human history is going on right now in Western Africa? That stuff is scary.

Ebola is extremely contagious, and has the capacity to kill approximately 90% of those infected with it. Patients experience excruciating pain as the virus slowly shuts down their organs, and causes them to bleed all over. I mean ALL over. Google "ebola" and you'll see images of people bleeding from their eyes, arms, mouth, etc. It's not something that you want to catch. The virus typically starts with somebody handling a gorilla, monkey, chimp, bat, or other animal carcass. After that, it spreads through human-to-human contact with the infected.

There's been 518 confirmed deaths at the moment due to the virus, and over 840 cases of infection as of today. This is the stuff where if you catch it, people in white biohazard suits show up at your house. Even the medical personnel have started to contract the disease.

Like I said before, this stuff is scary.

 And speaking of eyes bleeding, here's a little video for you to check out:




Oopsies

Have you ever burped really, REALLY loud and then realized, "Oh wait...I'm at work."?

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Living With a Blonde

Granny: "Yep, we used to use the cucumbers from our garden all the time to make pickles."

Yellowhead: "Wait a minute...pickles are made from cucumbers?!"

Me: "Where did you think they came from?"

Yellowhead: "I don't know. A pickle bush, I guess..."

CNA No More

I got a notice in the mail the other day that my CNA (certified nurse's assistant) certification is expiring soon. I threw it in the trash.

For a little while, I thought that I had wanted to become a physician's assistant, or go on to med school. Both of those options required getting 1000+ 'clinical' hours in order to even apply to the programs.

So, one summer I shelled out $600, missed my family's annual vacation to the beach, and enrolled in a CNA training course. Two months later, I was employed.

 I quickly found I absolutely hated being a CNA. I typically worked late into the night, and spent the end of every shift just sitting in a nearby McDonald's parking lot drinking chemical-y tasting smoothies for about a solid hour.

(Supposedly this isn't all that uncommon either. I have a friend who spent a brief amount of time working at a nursing home, and spent an hour before every shift crying in the parking lot. This job's tough, I'm telling you.)

Working with staff that makes it clear that they do not like you, cleaning diapers all day long, the horrible pay, and seeing how those people were treated by the other staff just about made me sick at the end of every shift.

That, and I was constantly afraid that this was going to happen while helping someone use the restroom.
And so, when I had saved up enough money, and found another job, I got outta there. And as a result, that "notice of expiration" letter is sitting, and will remain sitting, in a dump somewhere in the South.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

FedEx Next Time

Sigh...

Another experience with government employees...


15 minutes of pulling as hard as I possibly could (to whoever has the boxes below me, I apologize for the foot prints), and I finally got the book out.

Preeetty sure they shoved that thing in there with a stick.

Anyways though, I'm pumped for my new class! Eating disorders and obesity! WOOHOO!