A New Party Trick to Try

So, we're studying tapeworms in that Infectious Disease class I keep mentioning, and I've just now come to terms with how absolutely terrifying they are.

My professor used to be a physician in Latin America, where tapeworms are prevalent. He tells the story about how one day he had a 30ish year old women come into his clinic. She presented signs of abdominal swelling and pain.

After placing his hand on her abdomen, he felt movement under the skin. His initial thoughts were that the lady was pregnant, but upon further investigation, he found that this wasn't the case.

A stool sample confirmed his suspicions. The woman had tapeworms.

And she was infested.

The type of eggs that were found present in the stool sample were of the Ascaris species. These worms are about the diameter of an earthworm, with the males growing to about 8" long. Females can grow up to 14". (Google image search if you dare)

Fortunately, tapeworms are relatively easy to treat. He gave her the required medicine, and kept her around the clinic.

About half an hour later, she started to vomit, and within the vomit was a worm or two. Then she had diarrhea, and sure enough, a worm or two ended up in the toilet.

Then she vomited again, and about a dozen worms came out. A trip back to the bathroom soon followed with about the same number.

By the end of the half hour the woman was vomiting up worms by the handful. They were trying to escape her system, and were literally crawling up her esophagus to get out, with some exiting through the nose.

When it was all said and done, the lady had expelled over 300 tapeworms. She showed up just in time too. If she had waited any longer the worms could have formed a blockage within her small intestine that would have caused it to rupture, poisoning her system and killing her.

She was cured after that, but I guarantee you she did a much better job with personal and food hygiene from that day on.

Uh, No Thank You

Annnnnnd after spending the past week studying STDs in my "Infectious Diseases" class I now have a better understanding of why God commands monogamy.

Asides from the inability to pee for days yet still manufacturing urine (read "ow"), the development of fibrous growths all over your nether regions, sterility, and some very painful sores, there's also aneurysms, blindness, cardiovascular disease, links to Alzheimer's, and more.

Don't be stupid. God doesn't want his children playing in the street.

Me Punch HARD!!!

That feeling you get after you've spent days collecting research for a paper on anthrax, and have finally come up with enough information for a well-rounded paper, only to find that your professor decided to get creative with the instructions and is making you compare and critique articles instead.

And as a result, most of your research was for nothing.

ZOMBIES!

What I imagine my new class "Prevention and Control of Infectious Disease" is going to be like.

Time To Pick Up Something Heavy

First, the good news.

I passed my CSCS!

After 3 hours of staring at a computer screen, attempting to figure out how those three multiple choices even apply to the question that was asked, I managed to pass!

Sure, maybe I only passed by 5 questions, but it still counts! I'm now a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist!

Now, the annoying news.

A few months ago, a buddy of mine informed me that the MPH program had an "exit exam". What did that mean? What did it cover? Why didn't they tell us about this sooner?

These were all some of the questions that instantly spewed out of my mouth.

Apparently, the exit exam is a gigantic essay exam covering everything that I've learned since my first biostatistics night class that if I fail, forces me to retake my entire 16 week practicum (essentially an internship for married people that are already in the workforce and are now forced to juggle multiple jobs. Thanks grad school.).

Oh joy.

Why my school's administration didn't tell anybody about this sooner, I have no idea. I was just officially told about it last month, and told that it was strongly suggested that I take the exam within the next two weeks.

Aside from two week's notice being a bit short for such an exam, especially when I had scheduled a beach vacation one of those weeks a year in advance and had just paid $500 to take my CSCS - which, if I failed, was around a $200 retake fee - I need to have all of my old textbooks to take the exit exam.

THE ONES I SOLD TWO YEARS AGO.

Did anybody ever tell me I should keep those textbooks, just in case I happen to have a gigantic comprehensive exam near graduation? Nope.

"So, what's the big deal? Just go to the library, man."

Yeah, I thought the same thing. Except the library recently decided that it's going to be closed all Saturdays this entire summer, and only be open for five hours on Sundays.

"Well, just go on a different day, man."

That'd be fine, but I've already gotten a phone call from my professor, and multiple emails complaining about how I said I was going to take the exit exam and that I didn't. Did I ever say any of that? Nope, but that doesn't matter, I'm now the lazy, apathetic Southerner in the eyes of my professor.

USE. BETTER. COMMUNICASHUUUUUUUN!!!

Here's To Tomorrow

After six months of saving money/studying, I finally decided to register for my Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS) exam earlier last month. I'm scheduled to take it tomorrow.

I've been doing a good bit of freelance writing lately, and I wanted CSCS after my name to add a little more oomph to what it is I have to say. That, and if I ever want to teach classes at the university level someday, having the CSCS will help.

It's widely regarded as an extremely difficult test, while simultaneously being the gold-standard test to determine whether or not you know what you're talking about when it comes to training. That typically means you devote hours every evening attempting to absorb too much material.

310 questions in 4 hours.

Let's do this.

Time to Invest in Some Purell

So, I just finished my food safety class. Yeah, I didn't really know what that meant either, but it turns out that it's a whole lot of microbiology, something that I've never been very good at but still find fascinating.

I most definitely learned more about norovirus and salmonella than I ever thought possible, but one of the most interesting facts to learn was in regards to E.coli, a bacteria that grows in your intestines, but that can kill you if it gets out into other parts of your body.

To be hospitalized for a case of E. coli has an average cost of $6,922.

Holy smokes.

To be hospitalized for a case of E. coli where the patient suffers from hemolytic uremic syndrome and dies, the average cost is $6,963,826.

That's quite a legacy to leave behind for your family.

Sooooo, the moral of the story?

Wash your hands before you eat, cook your food well (particularly beef), and make sure your water is clean. Your family will thank you.