A Freshman's Survival Guide to Classes

As the time to register for classes next semester approaches, I figured that it would be very beneficial to give a brief synopsis of what you will learn in each class, to help upcoming freshmen. This is strictly based upon my own personal experience, and is in no way universal, but I do believe that it covers the majority of similar classes out there. Good luck picking your classes, and here it goes...

English 102 - English classes are mainly composed of reading bizarre, disturbing, or tedious pieces of literature and then debating about the (nonexistent) symbolism within the story

Math 110 - what you should have learned in elementary school

Philosophy 201 - how to sleep sitting up

Biology 115 - how to pray

English 221 - When looking for someone to tell an extremely long, bland personal story that no one else wants to hear about, tell an English major. Their boredom tolerance is off the charts.

Communications 101 - group projects should be avoided at all costs

Psychology 101 - Sigmund Freud was a weirdo, and even though many of his theories have been rejected today, we still continue to study him. Why? I don't know, but I think it has something to do with the shock value.

English 101 - When writing a sentence that is intended to inquire something from somebody you're supposed to put a funny little squiggly thingy that looks like this '?' at the end.

Biology 114 - Formaldehyde burns if it gets in your eyes. This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "giving someone the ol' stinkeye".

Bible 110 - Hezekiah is not a book of the Bible

Math 221 - how beneficial it can be to have a roommate who's a math major

Health 216 - Smoking = Bad

Kinesiology 101 - P.E. majors have the easiest schedule of anyone on campus.

History 201 - that this semester, you will kiss reading for pleasure goodbye.

As you can see, there is much that you will learn by taking these classes. Much of what you learn will be brand new (and quickly forgotten), while, likewise, much of what you learn will have already been learned in high school (especially the sleeping sitting up part. Anyone else take high school chemistry?). Anyway, here is a brief overview. As time goes on (and I take more classes) I should be able to give more helpful, timeless pieces of advice.