Things Not to Do in Prison

I've had the awesome opportunity for a while now to help out in juvee on Wednesday nights, and as a result I've learned a ton of different things regarding my faith and how to share it with others. However, there are other things that I've learned as well which, though aren't as important as the spiritual lessons, are nonetheless important lessons to grasp, especially if you're going to be spending much time there, or if you value your physical well being. Here they are.

1. State your opinion about how ugly tattoos are -especially when the guy right next to you is called Tattoo, and for good reason.

2. Mention that your favorite TV show is 'Prison Break' - it makes the guards nervous.

3. Act nervous - they can smell fear you know.

4. Accidentally step on a guy named Viper's shoes - Ever.

5. Forget that 90% of the guys in there come from a martial art background - and the other 10% are the size of rabid gorillas

6. Get within 20 feet of the guy with the toothbrush that tapers to a point - unless, of course, you don't mind going through the rest of your life with the nickname 'Stitches'.

7. Assume anything - it makes you look stupid

8. Make sudden movements - unless you enjoy being at the bottom of a dog pile.

9. Say pit bulls are ugly and stupid - because for some reason, everybody in there has one and is very attached.

10. Ask the guy why he has tear drops tattooed on his face

11. Not realize that inmates are the real life version of MacGyver - it's amazing what you can do with a tube of toothpaste and an eraser.

12. Not bring food with you - or you won't leave with 20 new friends.

They say that the best kind of lesson to learn, is the one you learn from somebody else's mistake. By following these tips, you'll be well on your way to being able to avoid the 'minor' setbacks that can be caused by a broken femur or lacerated forearm, as well as not being viewed as weird by those inside. I'm looking forward to getting to hang out with the guys again this coming year, and as I learn new lessons (and hopefully, as they do too), I'll be sure to keep you updated.