Even More Proof that God is a Practical Joker

It's May, and around here that means that it's time to harvest the hay. Most people pay no attention to May, but I have no choice, considering that I'm terribly allergic to the stuff. As I was sniffling and sneezing the other day, it dawned on me: what a cruel joke this is. Here I am horribly allergic to hay, just being around it, particularly when it's cut, makes my life miserable, and guess where I live. Yep, a hay farm. As I thought about this, it brought to mind my previous findings on why God must be a practical joker (Proof #1 & Proof #2). After much more thought, and musing on some previous experiences, I think I've found some more irrefutable proof that God is a practical joker.

1. Ugly babies - You waited 9 months for that?

2. I like listening to my iPod when I run - too bad my treadmill likes filling my body with static electricity.

3. Sitting across from "spitters" in the school cafeteria - You know, there's nothing quite as appalling as watching someone's saliva soar through the air and landing somewhere on your plate while you're talking to them. I think one of the reasons God made these people was for kicks and giggles. From putting hot sauce on someone's glass, to rigging the salt shaker to spill everywhere; ruining someone's food is a classic sign of a practical joker.They're great people to be friends with if you're trying to loose weight though.

4. Causing your parents to think about you in the middle of a test - on the one day you forget to silence your phone.

5. Driver's license pictures - Have you ever had a good one? Me neither.

6. The first round of American Idol - God made their voices for our entertainment.

7. At home I'm extremely graceful - I can drink a glass of water, cook an omelet, swiffer the floor, and juggle 4 glasses all at the same time. But put me at a friend's house that I don't know very well, and I'm almost guaranteed to break that glass I just reached for.

8. I told God I'd do whatever He wants, as long as I can stay in Virginia. - He called me to China.

9. For some reason I keep forgetting to take my socks off - right before I get in the shower.

10. Appalachian Trail through-hikers - For 3 months out of every year, men and women hiking from Georgia to Maine come through my state. These people are stinky, wear dirty clothes, carry everything they own with them, and need to shave (sometimes the women too). I love the Appalachian Trail, and love to talk with these people, but sometimes conversations like this happen: "Hey, are you hiking the Appalachian Trail? You smell like a hiker." ( a common AT joke and greeting) To which the person replies, "No, I'm homeless."

As you can see, the evidence that God is a practical joker is almost insurmountable. This amounts to thirty-one different reasons that God must be a practical joker. With this much evidence, it can almost be considered a fact. So watch your back, and remember that the greatest sign of a practical joker is that you can never get them back, and they never quit. I mentioned before that God was going to get me again sometime in the near future. This list is proof that I was right. So rest assured, God will get me again, and He'll probably get you too, and when He does, He's gonna get us good.

I'd Like One Too, Please

My brother and I saw this guy at Sam's Club today. He was turned around, but unfortunately the camera's flash was on, and he turned around pretty quick when the bread all around him suddenly lit up, as two slightly embarrassed, laughing guys made a rather quick exit.

Greatest Quotes of Spring '12

Another semester has come and gone, and once again I've been keeping track of some of the greatest quotes and conversations in order to give a small idea of what things have been like lately. Here you go.

• "Sil, when you're older are you gonna have a cool voice like Morgan Freeman?"
• "I'd be so ticked if my kid got pregnant. That's why I want boys."
• K-"She's one of them home school girls that stays in her room 23/7." Me-"23/7?" K-"Yeah, she's gotta go to class!"
• "Hey! Get back here! I can't be creeping on people by myself! I need an accountability partner!"
• Professor-"What's that on your face?" Girl in class-"Ringworm."
• "I took the bus the other day, and it was just me and a bunch of white people. My first thought was, 'White people take the bus?!'"
• "Hey! Quit acting like a pregnant girl!"
• Professor-"I realize a lot of this lecture is common sense, but I've got to say it for the kinesiology majors."