Even MORE Proof God is a Practical Joker

It's finally gotten warmer outside, and we all know what comes with warm weather: spiders. Yep, that's right. In case you haven't noticed, every season has something rather sinister about it. Fall comes with hours spent raking leaves, winter results in bitter cold, spring has allergies, and summer has spiders. It's bad enough just knowing that they're outside with their long hairy legs (considering that description, I guess I should be scared of my dad as well), but add to that that for some reason, they decide that your toes look rather scrumptious as they race towards your feet during that split second you open the door to let the dog go potty before bed.

Oftentimes, you won't see them sneak by your feet into your house. Until the middle of the night that is, when you see a shadow scutter across your ceiling, and wake up to a scene like this:

1. New shirt/pants stickers - Just how many do we need? I peel off 4, and there's 2 more I'll find later that week. It's almost guaranteed that every time I wear new clothes, no matter how good I check them, somewhere (usually my hindquarters) there'll be a sticker advertising my waist size to the world.

2. Camera flash - You know those times when you see someone at the store that looks just like your friend? You decide to sneak a picture, only to discover your flash is on. Don't act like I'm weird, you know you've done it. Need an example? Here.

3. Facebook uploads - Have you noticed half of them are pictures your friend posted of you unaware, mid-chew on a hamburger?

4. Change - What you don't have at the toll both, but all you have when you run out of gas.

5. Spiders love dark, moist places - Good thing we tend to open our mouths when we sleep, huh?

6. Public sneezing - Typically while sitting in a claustrophobic room surrounded by people you don't know. I've found it's best to put your head as close to your shoes as possible, sneeze all over your socks, and then give a dirty look when the people in front of you disgustedly turn around.

7.You have to wear jeans to weed-eat - Unless, of course, you like getting the opportunity to pick gravel out of your shins. Did I mention that there's going to be a heat index of 105 while you're doing this fun character building activity?

8. Boogers - one of God's many ways of keeping your pride in check.

9. Getting hit by a bee the size of a small bird when you stick your hand out the car window - Yes, I've been there.

10. Failed magic tricks - Every small child goes through a phase where they are infatuated with magic. They sometimes go so far as to learn a few card tricks of their own. They'll spend hours practicing so that they can impress their friends. Finally the moment comes, the trick has been perfected, and the friends and family are ready. And the trick fails. Horribly. Leaving a frustrated and humiliated little kid standing there in front of those they want to impress the most. I only have one explanation for moments like these.

These are just a few things I have on my list that I'll share at the moment, and rest assured, there are many more. Until then, enjoy this small list above (and maybe these ones too!), and remain aware, as a practical joker loves to strike when least expected.

Appendexplosion! POW! (A Story with Pictures! Wowza!)

For some reason, horrible experiences tend to be some of our favorite stories to tell. It's been said that bad choices make great stories, and I think the same goes with horrible experiences as well, probably because often they are hopelessly tangled together. One of my favorite horrible experiences to tell is the story of my appendicitis. It went something like this.

The day started out like any other day. Classes, homework, hanging out with friends, and basketball were the norm. However, the night turned out to be a little different. I had just gotten back from eating dinner at the school's cafeteria, and had decided to spend the evening in the library studying for a test. It wasn't long till my stomach started to feel a little funny. As the evening went on, my stomach grew worse, and I decided to call it a night, hoping that maybe I would feel better in the morning. The night went kind of like this.

Over the night the slight discomfort in my stomach had grown almost unbearable. I felt like I was going to explode. So I did what any self-respecting guy would do, I called my mom.

It's important to go into a little background here. When I was about 10, I pulled up a ramp close to my basketball goal, ran off it with the intention of dunking, and ended up lying on the pavement on top of my arm. By the time we got to the hospital, the pain had worn off, and everything was fine, but ever since then, Mom's sworn that it's all in my head whenever I get hurt. I could get stomped on by an elephant, but if she didn't see it, it'd all be in my head, and I'd be told to go dust my room. With this being said, when I called my mom, certain that I was about to die, she told me to take some Pepto Bismol (I didn't) and go back to bed. After about another half hour I called her again, and I was told to just go to the doctor if it hurt that bad (do you see the lack of sympathy here?).

I had won! I'd finally convinced Mom that something was wrong! Though it didn't take the edge off of the pain, it did make me a little happier. There was a doctor's office on the other side of campus I could go to. Because my stomach was hurting so bad it was getting hard to walk straight up, I decided to take the bus.

I was a freshman at the time, and up until that point had walked whenever I needed to get somewhere, so I had absolutely no idea regarding the bus routes. I hopped onto the first bus that came by my dorm, not realizing that it would take me to the opposite side of campus before taking me to the doctor side.

I finally made it to the doctor's office. I shuffled in, waited a little bit, and finally went in to meet him. I told him everything, and he decided he needed to check for appendicitis by pushing my stomach through my spine.

He confirmed I had appendicitis, and I walked outside to find my Granny had come to take me to the hospital. After about three or four hours laying on a table without any meds, they decided to move me to another hospital that actually did surgery.

Granted, they did have a psych ward too, but I didn't need that just yet. So, they took me to the other hospital, where by this point I was expecting my intestines to shoot out of my stomach and hit the ceiling. It'd been almost a whole day since this thing had started, and I'd had no pain meds the entire time. When we got to the other hospital, they immediately stuck me on morphine.

A little while later, they decided it was time for surgery. I was wheeled into the operating room, where I only remember two things. First was that it was very cold. Second, was looking to my right, and seeing a scene reminiscent of Saw with knives everywhere, just before passing out.

I woke up around 3 that night in some other room somewhere in the hospital. My nurse came in, said hi, and left as I fell back asleep. When I woke up again later that morning, a different nurse named Olga (no lie) came in and demanded that I get up and walk.

I tried to object, mentioning something about just coming out of surgery, but that didn't work.

After about two days in the hospital, and another few at home, I finally made it back to my dorm. Apparently , through the whole fiasco, I had forgotten to tell anyone on the dorm much of anything regarding what had happened. I had woken my roommate up early in the morning muttering something about driving to the hospital, but that was about it. When I finally showed back up, I was surprised at all the rumors that had been going around.

It took a little while, both to heal up, and to straighten out most of the stories (I might have let the bear one slide), but eventually everything ended up ok. My stomach healed up, I could walk again, and best of all, I'd I'd say the only problem with my recovery was hearing more funny jokes those first few days after surgery when it hurt to laugh than any other time in my life. It was certainly a miserable experience, and I definitely wouldn't do it again (not that I have a choice or anything), but I did learn a valuable lesson: don't ever wish to prove Mom wrong. You'll only end up in the hospital.

Experiences as a Nursing Assistant

I put my foot in the water, so to speak, into the medical field for the first time last week. I've been training as a nurse assistant for the past four weeks, and finally graduated last Friday. Part of our training involved working at a local nursing home, and the hospital. I loved it. Here's some of what I saw and experienced.

Met some awesome nursing assistants who truly love their job, and being able to serve others, and it shows in their work. Met a resident who was an extremely strong Christian, and is praying everyday for her grandson to find Christ. Got to hang out with two of the coolest old ladies you'll ever meet. Became a professional diaper changer. Had an old lady throw her grilled cheese across the table (it was 'burnt'). Made friends with a schizophrenic lady. Helped a stroke victim strengthen his legs. 'Teased' a granny fro. Watched as an elderly man in a wheelchair, scooted his wife, who is also in a wheelchair, to wherever they needed to go. Painted a lady's fingernails. Almost got pooped on. Washed a lady's feet. Worked on the oncology floor at the hospital, and helped admit a man with colon cancer. Helped aid with the comfort of a lady who was on her death bed. Communicated with a teary eyed, frustrated stroke victim with expressive aphasia (she can't talk), found out what she wanted, and made her laugh and shake my hand.  Gave baths. Had a very old lady ask me how pretty she was on a scale of 1 to 10 ("Well, a 12, of course."). Fed people. Saw a picture of a friend of mine in one of the resident's rooms. And had a conversation with a lady with dementia about how great bananas are.

This has seriously been one of the richer experiences of my life. Even though it was sometimes gross (I have some awesome poop stories), I loved every minute that we were there. I'm extremely thankful for this opportunity. It taught me a lot, and I'm looking forward to more opportunities like this in the future, as well as moving along in the medical field.