Oopsies

Have you ever burped really, REALLY loud and then realized, "Oh wait...I'm at work."?

Living With a Blonde

Granny: "Yep, we used to use the cucumbers from our garden all the time to make pickles."

Yellowhead: "Wait a minute...pickles are made from cucumbers?!"

Me: "Where did you think they came from?"

Yellowhead: "I don't know. A pickle bush, I guess..."

CNA No More

I got a notice in the mail the other day that my CNA (certified nurse's assistant) certification is expiring soon. I threw it in the trash.

For a little while, I thought that I had wanted to become a physician's assistant, or go on to med school. Both of those options required getting 1000+ 'clinical' hours in order to even apply to the programs.

So, one summer I shelled out $600, missed my family's annual vacation to the beach, and enrolled in a CNA training course. Two months later, I was employed.

 I quickly found I absolutely hated being a CNA. I typically worked late into the night, and spent the end of every shift just sitting in a nearby McDonald's parking lot drinking chemical-y tasting smoothies for about a solid hour.

(Supposedly this isn't all that uncommon either. I have a friend who spent a brief amount of time working at a nursing home, and spent an hour before every shift crying in the parking lot. This job's tough, I'm telling you.)

Working with staff that makes it clear that they do not like you, cleaning diapers all day long, the horrible pay, and seeing how those people were treated by the other staff just about made me sick at the end of every shift.

That, and I was constantly afraid that this was going to happen while helping someone use the restroom.

And so, when I had saved up enough money, and found another job, I got outta there. And as a result, that "notice of expiration" letter is sitting, and will remain sitting, in a dump somewhere in the South.

FedEx Next Time

Sigh...

Another experience with government employees...

15 minutes of pulling as hard as I possibly could (to whoever has the boxes below me, I apologize for the foot prints), and I finally got the book out.

Preeetty sure they shoved that thing in there with a stick.

Anyways though, I'm pumped for my new class! Eating disorders and obesity! WOOHOO!

I Think It's Time to Up the Weight

Personal trainer: "Alright, I want you to do 20 reps on this one."

Client: "Ok."

[trainer begins to help somebody else adjust a machine real quick while current client lifts away.]

Personal trainer: "Alright, I'm back. How many did you do?"

Client: "50."

How to Skip a Couple Heartbeats

Fake emergencies are nothing new to where I work. Honestly, some days I wonder if the members of my gym are taking bets to see how long it'll take before they put some of the staff in the hospital with some of the things they try to pull.

Attempting to tie your shoe while on a treadmill that's moving? Let me just tell you ahead of time. That's a bad idea.

Faking a heart attack as a joke while doing push-ups? Also a bad idea.

And then there's today.

I'm running around helping gym members with the new software program when a man in a sling begins to yell "HELP! HELP!", while frantically pointing across the gym.

I quickly run over and ask, "What's wrong?! What is it?!"

Gym member: "Can you get me a new piece of paper?"

That man owes me a new pair of pants.

Like Having No Filter?!

[Older man, in his 80's is sitting on the chest press machine when I walk over after just finishing with a personal training client]

Old guy: "Boy, aren't you put together funny!"

Me: "Huh?"

Old guy: "You're built like a worm! I guess God made each of us with our faults..."