A new semester has begun, and I've already seen a ton of new people here on campus, many of whom are freshmen. One of the things that I remember having to deal with my freshman year was wading through the college campus "lingo". I wished that there was some type of dictionary that would help me understand what people were referring to, but there wasn't leaving the task of figuring out what different things meant completely up to me. So, new freshmen, I have taken it upon myself to make your lives a little easier this year by compiling a college dictionary for you. Here you go.
1. Professorship - a license to act as cooky, eccentric, or strange as one desires
2. Syllabus -what the professor will ask you to read when you ask a question
3. Pop quiz - a professor's attempt to destroy your GPA, morale, and dreams of a future all in one fell swoop
4. Final - a test that generally only encompasses material in the one book that you didn't read
5. Pencil - what you need for your final. Also the one thing that you forgot to bring.
6. Dirty look - what you will receive when you ask somebody for a pencil
7. Ramen - what you will be living off of the next four years. Variation doesn't help as much as you wish.
8. Alarm clock - that thing that buzzes on weekends, but for some reason not before the class you have a paper due in
9. Paper - typically a report the size of a small novel that a professor assigns you. Also, what you run out of while printing that small novel, typically on the last page, or when you're in a hurry.
10. All Nighter - 40% studying, 60% Facebook
11. Procrastination - the source for all nighters
12. Paycheck - what arrives the day after all your friends went out
13. Sleep - a precious gift from God
14. Parking enforcement - the modern day equivalent of the tax collectors of Jesus' time
15. Drumsets - a tool of Satan at 3 in the morning
16. Christmas break - 3-4 weeks of free labor for your parents
17. Freshman 15 - *see ramen
18. 7:40AM - when the most mentally intensive courses such as calculus, chemistry, or anatomy are held. Also allows most college students to see the sunrise for the first time in their lives.
So current freshmen, or even still confused sophomores, I hope that this helps, and have an awesome semester!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Hitchhiking (A Story with Pictures! Wowza!)
There are some things in our lives that we look forward to doing, maybe not so much because we know that we are going to have a good time, but because we know that it is certainly going to be an experience. For me, one of these things is hitchhiking. Though I've only done it about half a dozen times, and am certainly no expert, I've learned that you never forget a hitchhiking experience.
The first time I hitchhiked was when I was fresh out of high school. A friend and I had decided to spend a week backpacking along the Appalachian Trail. On our fifth day out there, we decided that we were going to try to pick up the pace and cover a little more mileage that day. Hitchhiking seemed the way to go. So, without much delay, we worked our way towards a winding mountain road, stuck our thumbs out, and began walking north. Not long later, a car with an elderly couple and their granddaughter slowed to a stop. My friend and I piled into the car, and buckled up tight for what proceeded to be one of the scariest rides of my life. It wasn't that the people were scary or weird, but the driving was a different story. It went kind of like this.
After we got off, we gathered our things and began hiking again. It wasn't long afterwards that we decided to hitchhike again (short memory span, I guess). In all, we hitched rides about three or four times that day, with the other picker-upper people causing much less of a commotion. I actually fell asleep on one of the rides! And when I woke up I wasn't missing my wallet or kidneys!
However, the most recent trip hitchhiking was a different story. It reminded me a lot about my first time hitchhiking, actually.
I had spent the day hiking through the woods, on a cold wintry day (it was actually snowing), and had just finished hiking about six miles. The trail led me across a road, and as I was done with my hike, I pulled out my map to check to see whether the road would take me back to my car. To my surprise, I found that I had actually hiked a lot farther out than I had originally anticipated, and that the road did in fact lead to my car. My ribs had been hurting as I hiked (no idea why), and I figured that if I took the road back, I could avoid backtracking a rather difficult trail, and hopefully, due to pavement and less hills, I could make it back much faster than by taking the trail. And, perchance my ribs was a case of something serious, I decreased my chance of dying a slow, painful death alone in the wilderness (this was probably the main thinking behind my decision).
And so began my journey back to my car. Before I go any farther, it's important to mention that it was about three in the afternoon when I started heading back. The sun would set around five, and I figured that it would take me about two hours to get back, just in time for nightfall. What I didn't factor in though, was that the road I was taking took a windy, super steep path straight up a mountain that was completely out of the way. How I didn't realize this before, I don't know.
As I began walking, I quickly realized that the lack of trees around me allowed gigantic gusts of freezing air to come down and sap any heat I had straight out of my face. Luckily, I had a face wrap thingy that helped to keep some of the wind out. Also, due to it's being hunting season, I had a large goofy looking orange hat that I was wearing to keep from getting shot (I saw hunters on my way in). These two articles of clothing had the combined effect of making me look like a ninja-hobo. Realizing how ridiculous I looked, I understood that there was no way that anybody was going to give the ninja-hobo a ride. Would you have given a guy that looked like this a ride? I don't think so.
So I kept walking. I walked for about an hour, as small children on school buses stared as they drove by, dogs barked maniacally, and people gathered firewood (like the school children, also staring). Eventually, a lady in a truck even slowed down to almost a complete stop, stuck her head back out the window, and watched me for a moment, before speeding on by. Apparently, I looked weirder than I thought.
I eventually got to the base of the gigantic, windy-road mountain. Preparing for the worst, I swallowed and began to walk forward. But as I did, suddenly a shout came from behind me. It was the lady from the truck! She asked if I needed a ride (so I didn't stick my thumb out, not technically hitchhiking. But I hitched a ride, and I was hiking, so it counts), and I said sure, as I tried to avoid her pitbull-ish dog that came running at me. She restrained the dog, and told me to hop in the truck. Before I did though, she ran inside her house real quick and came out with a beer. "Mind if I drink?", she asked.
At this point I reached a dilemma. Here a woman stood before me asking me if I would willingly put my life on the line as she drank an ice cold beer while driving me up a steep, windy mountain road.
It's important to go a little into my background here. For some reason, my entire life both my parents and grandparents have made it their life goal to establish an irrational fear of cars in me, and to convince me that cars are the second most dangerous objects on the planet, right after nukes. The day that I got my license, my dad actually handed me a folder full of newspaper clippings that he'd been collecting for who-knows-how-long, full of stories of people that had died or been maimed for life in car accidents. My grandparents have also made it their job to notify me whenever somebody they know, even remotely, has been in an accident. So, when asked whether it was ok for her to drink while driving, all of this was going through my mind.
What was I supposed to do? "Why yes, I actually do mind if you drink while driving me to my car." That would have ended up with her telling me to walk the rest of the way, and painted me as the rude, ungracious stranger. So, conscious that somewhat soon I myself might be a newspaper clipping, I said it was fine, hopped in the truck, and buckled the seat belt as tight as I possibly could (if you suck it in, it helps).
And so, the lady drove, with the steering wheel in one hand, and a beer in the other. We began up the mountain road, which turned out to be loose gravel, and every bit as bad as I thought. It was also extremely narrow, and had no guard rails, meaning the entire thing was a series of unprotected cliffs. The lady, whom never told me her name (though she did ask for mine, both first and last), put her foot to the gas until we were going an easy forty-five.
As we drifted around the corners (no kidding), periodically spun out, and dodged the occasional oncoming car, the lady apologized for her driving to me. She said she was only driving like this because she knew the road so well. I wanted to tell her it was because of the bottle in her hand.
The road soon came to an end (though not soon enough), and the kind stranger dropped me off at my car at precisely five o' clock. It turns out I was lucky she'd "found" me. There were bears all over that area, and if I had walked I wouldn't have made it back until well after nightfall. Debating as to whether it would have been wiser to brave the bears, I thanked the lady as both she, and I, drove off.
The first time I hitchhiked was when I was fresh out of high school. A friend and I had decided to spend a week backpacking along the Appalachian Trail. On our fifth day out there, we decided that we were going to try to pick up the pace and cover a little more mileage that day. Hitchhiking seemed the way to go. So, without much delay, we worked our way towards a winding mountain road, stuck our thumbs out, and began walking north. Not long later, a car with an elderly couple and their granddaughter slowed to a stop. My friend and I piled into the car, and buckled up tight for what proceeded to be one of the scariest rides of my life. It wasn't that the people were scary or weird, but the driving was a different story. It went kind of like this.
After we got off, we gathered our things and began hiking again. It wasn't long afterwards that we decided to hitchhike again (short memory span, I guess). In all, we hitched rides about three or four times that day, with the other picker-upper people causing much less of a commotion. I actually fell asleep on one of the rides! And when I woke up I wasn't missing my wallet or kidneys!
However, the most recent trip hitchhiking was a different story. It reminded me a lot about my first time hitchhiking, actually.
I had spent the day hiking through the woods, on a cold wintry day (it was actually snowing), and had just finished hiking about six miles. The trail led me across a road, and as I was done with my hike, I pulled out my map to check to see whether the road would take me back to my car. To my surprise, I found that I had actually hiked a lot farther out than I had originally anticipated, and that the road did in fact lead to my car. My ribs had been hurting as I hiked (no idea why), and I figured that if I took the road back, I could avoid backtracking a rather difficult trail, and hopefully, due to pavement and less hills, I could make it back much faster than by taking the trail. And, perchance my ribs was a case of something serious, I decreased my chance of dying a slow, painful death alone in the wilderness (this was probably the main thinking behind my decision).
And so began my journey back to my car. Before I go any farther, it's important to mention that it was about three in the afternoon when I started heading back. The sun would set around five, and I figured that it would take me about two hours to get back, just in time for nightfall. What I didn't factor in though, was that the road I was taking took a windy, super steep path straight up a mountain that was completely out of the way. How I didn't realize this before, I don't know.
As I began walking, I quickly realized that the lack of trees around me allowed gigantic gusts of freezing air to come down and sap any heat I had straight out of my face. Luckily, I had a face wrap thingy that helped to keep some of the wind out. Also, due to it's being hunting season, I had a large goofy looking orange hat that I was wearing to keep from getting shot (I saw hunters on my way in). These two articles of clothing had the combined effect of making me look like a ninja-hobo. Realizing how ridiculous I looked, I understood that there was no way that anybody was going to give the ninja-hobo a ride. Would you have given a guy that looked like this a ride? I don't think so.
So I kept walking. I walked for about an hour, as small children on school buses stared as they drove by, dogs barked maniacally, and people gathered firewood (like the school children, also staring). Eventually, a lady in a truck even slowed down to almost a complete stop, stuck her head back out the window, and watched me for a moment, before speeding on by. Apparently, I looked weirder than I thought.
I eventually got to the base of the gigantic, windy-road mountain. Preparing for the worst, I swallowed and began to walk forward. But as I did, suddenly a shout came from behind me. It was the lady from the truck! She asked if I needed a ride (so I didn't stick my thumb out, not technically hitchhiking. But I hitched a ride, and I was hiking, so it counts), and I said sure, as I tried to avoid her pitbull-ish dog that came running at me. She restrained the dog, and told me to hop in the truck. Before I did though, she ran inside her house real quick and came out with a beer. "Mind if I drink?", she asked.
At this point I reached a dilemma. Here a woman stood before me asking me if I would willingly put my life on the line as she drank an ice cold beer while driving me up a steep, windy mountain road.
It's important to go a little into my background here. For some reason, my entire life both my parents and grandparents have made it their life goal to establish an irrational fear of cars in me, and to convince me that cars are the second most dangerous objects on the planet, right after nukes. The day that I got my license, my dad actually handed me a folder full of newspaper clippings that he'd been collecting for who-knows-how-long, full of stories of people that had died or been maimed for life in car accidents. My grandparents have also made it their job to notify me whenever somebody they know, even remotely, has been in an accident. So, when asked whether it was ok for her to drink while driving, all of this was going through my mind.
As we drifted around the corners (no kidding), periodically spun out, and dodged the occasional oncoming car, the lady apologized for her driving to me. She said she was only driving like this because she knew the road so well. I wanted to tell her it was because of the bottle in her hand.
The road soon came to an end (though not soon enough), and the kind stranger dropped me off at my car at precisely five o' clock. It turns out I was lucky she'd "found" me. There were bears all over that area, and if I had walked I wouldn't have made it back until well after nightfall. Debating as to whether it would have been wiser to brave the bears, I thanked the lady as both she, and I, drove off.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The Cost of Discipleship
I read a verse today. I didn't like it at first. It convicted me, it was a challenge, and it was extremely hard to swallow. But it completely changed my life. In the Gospel of Luke, a large crowd is gathering around Jesus, and He says to them in chapter 14, verse 33: "In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." I was immediately taken back when I read this. How could I have missed this before? Surely, Jesus could not be serious, could He? I began trying to find a loophole, looking for someway that I could say that this particular verse didn't apply to me. But I couldn't find one. No matter what I did, or where I turned, this verse was still in front of me. I couldn't evade it.
Yes, of course I want to be Christ's disciple. Of course I want to have a relationship with Him, where He teaches, and comforts, and loves me. But I have to give up everything in order to have that? Giving up everything is hard! And it was at this point, when I was debating within me this cost and how large it was, that I realized just how much like the rich, young ruler in Luke 18 I really am.
The things of this world, they will not last. It's all a vapor. But a relationship with Christ, that is something that is eternal. And when my eyes were opened to this fact in light of Christ's ultimatum, I realized how much of a fool I would be than to choose other than Christ. Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Who wouldn't choose something of eternal value over something trivial that will fade?
And so, I had a choice to make. Would I choose Christ, or would I choose my things? Would I choose Christ, or would I choose what gave me a false sense of control and security? Would I choose Christ, the One who never fades, and who loves me more than I could ever hope to love Him back, or would I choose the transient, cold vapors of this life? And so, I chose Christ. I will desire a relationship with Him, and to truly be His disciple above all else, and will therefore, give everything up to follow Him. He can have it because I want Him more, and I cannot keep it.
I'm gonna need Your help on this, Lord.
Yes, of course I want to be Christ's disciple. Of course I want to have a relationship with Him, where He teaches, and comforts, and loves me. But I have to give up everything in order to have that? Giving up everything is hard! And it was at this point, when I was debating within me this cost and how large it was, that I realized just how much like the rich, young ruler in Luke 18 I really am.
"When Jesus heard this, He said to him, 'You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.' When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy. Jesus looked at him and said, 'How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.'" -Luke 18:22-23Before, when I read this story, I would subconsciously condemn this guy, thinking that I was nothing like him, and nod with agreement with Jesus. But now I get it. I am just like the rich man, and I have never seen it before. And I am certain that I am not the only one. What does it say about our hearts when we have a debate within ourselves as to whether we should truly listen to this verse, or not? How have I become so attached to these transient things around me that the ultimatum by Christ to be His disciple scares me? But the key word here is 'transient'.
The things of this world, they will not last. It's all a vapor. But a relationship with Christ, that is something that is eternal. And when my eyes were opened to this fact in light of Christ's ultimatum, I realized how much of a fool I would be than to choose other than Christ. Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Who wouldn't choose something of eternal value over something trivial that will fade?
And so, I had a choice to make. Would I choose Christ, or would I choose my things? Would I choose Christ, or would I choose what gave me a false sense of control and security? Would I choose Christ, the One who never fades, and who loves me more than I could ever hope to love Him back, or would I choose the transient, cold vapors of this life? And so, I chose Christ. I will desire a relationship with Him, and to truly be His disciple above all else, and will therefore, give everything up to follow Him. He can have it because I want Him more, and I cannot keep it.
I'm gonna need Your help on this, Lord.
"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it." -Matthew 13:44-45
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Things Not to Do in Prison
I've had the awesome opportunity for a while now to help out in juvee on Wednesday nights, and as a result I've learned a ton of different things regarding my faith and how to share it with others. However, there are other things that I've learned as well which, though aren't as important as the spiritual lessons, are nonetheless important lessons to grasp, especially if you're going to be spending much time there, or if you value your physical well being. Here they are.
1. State your opinion about how ugly tattoos are -especially when the guy right next to you is called Tattoo, and for good reason.
2. Mention that your favorite TV show is 'Prison Break' - it makes the guards nervous.
3. Act nervous - they can smell fear you know.
4. Accidentally step on a guy named Viper's shoes - Ever.
5. Forget that 90% of the guys in there come from a martial art background - and the other 10% are the size of rabid gorillas
6. Get within 20 feet of the guy with the toothbrush that tapers to a point - unless, of course, you don't mind going through the rest of your life with the nickname 'Stitches'.
7. Assume anything - it makes you look stupid
8. Make sudden movements - unless you enjoy being at the bottom of a dog pile.
9. Say pit bulls are ugly and stupid - because for some reason, everybody in there has one and is very attached.
10. Ask the guy why he has tear drops tattooed on his face
11. Not realize that inmates are the real life version of MacGyver - it's amazing what you can do with a tube of toothpaste and an eraser.
12. Not bring food with you - or you won't leave with 20 new friends.
They say that the best kind of lesson to learn, is the one you learn from somebody else's mistake. By following these tips, you'll be well on your way to being able to avoid the 'minor' setbacks that can be caused by a broken femur or lacerated forearm, as well as not being viewed as weird by those inside. I'm looking forward to getting to hang out with the guys again this coming year, and as I learn new lessons (and hopefully, as they do too), I'll be sure to keep you updated.
1. State your opinion about how ugly tattoos are -especially when the guy right next to you is called Tattoo, and for good reason.
2. Mention that your favorite TV show is 'Prison Break' - it makes the guards nervous.
3. Act nervous - they can smell fear you know.
4. Accidentally step on a guy named Viper's shoes - Ever.
5. Forget that 90% of the guys in there come from a martial art background - and the other 10% are the size of rabid gorillas
6. Get within 20 feet of the guy with the toothbrush that tapers to a point - unless, of course, you don't mind going through the rest of your life with the nickname 'Stitches'.
7. Assume anything - it makes you look stupid
8. Make sudden movements - unless you enjoy being at the bottom of a dog pile.
9. Say pit bulls are ugly and stupid - because for some reason, everybody in there has one and is very attached.
10. Ask the guy why he has tear drops tattooed on his face
11. Not realize that inmates are the real life version of MacGyver - it's amazing what you can do with a tube of toothpaste and an eraser.
12. Not bring food with you - or you won't leave with 20 new friends.
They say that the best kind of lesson to learn, is the one you learn from somebody else's mistake. By following these tips, you'll be well on your way to being able to avoid the 'minor' setbacks that can be caused by a broken femur or lacerated forearm, as well as not being viewed as weird by those inside. I'm looking forward to getting to hang out with the guys again this coming year, and as I learn new lessons (and hopefully, as they do too), I'll be sure to keep you updated.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Greatest Quotes of Fall '11
The semester has finally come to an end, and in order to give somewhat of a taste as to how things have been on campus lately, all semester long I've been keeping track of the greatest quotes and conversations of this past fall. Here are a few of them. I hope you enjoy.
- "Man, what I wouldn't do for a sweet pastry right now."
- "You peed in my pants!"
- "In this jar is a lateral meniscus. I'm going to pass it around for all to see. It came from my right knee." (This same professor later passed around a rod that had been in her spine.)
- "We made 300 egg sandwiches a day. It was gonna be an empire."
- "Why am I always attracted to married women? I'm like James Bond."
- "People used to do that to the monkeys back home. They'd inject vodka into an orange, and wait for a monkey to eat it."
- "I'm gonna give you a best friend hug."
- Russel-"What class you writing a paper for?" Me-"Exercise leadership." Russel-"You have a class on casting out demons?"
- "We did have one guy that just smelled horrible. He walked into the room, and I thought to myself, 'Ohh, you're poor.'"
- "What's a good song to play on his computer for when he gets back? How about 'I'm a sinner and I need Jesus'?
- "You. Me. Bucket of chicken. Snowflex."
- Mom-"Happy birthday Granny! You're 95!" Granny-"Well, happy birthday to you too!" Mom-"Uhh, thanks!"
- "Ewww. There's a leaf in my salad."
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Answer
The semester is finally over, and it's been an awesome one. And though I feel like Christmas kind of came at an inconvenient time, I'm glad to see that the Holy Spirit is definitely working in that juvee, and who knows, maybe a month off will give the guys plenty of time to process what we've been telling them all semester. I've definitely seen more of a genuine interest in Christ this past semester than I did last year. There's three guys in particular that are extremely close to accepting Christ as Savior, and I just wish that we could talk to them a little more before the break. I've also started to further realize the backgrounds these guys are coming from. I understood before that things hadn't been the greatest for them, but now I'm starting to understand some of the details. Most of the guys have been in a center like their current one before, most only have their mom around anymore, most have backgrounds in drugs, and many even have their own families (It can be kind of hard to not act surprised when you're asking the guys for prayer requests, and they ask you to pray for their little girls-especially if the dad is maybe 17).
These guys have been through a lot, and to be honest, many have nowhere else to go. They've hit rock bottom, and things don't look like they'll ever turn around. But that is where Christ comes in. I've seen Him radically change the lives of people around me, as well as mine, and I know He can do it again for these guys. They want to change. Believe it or not, they don't want to be in an institution like that for the rest of their lives. They want to change, they want freedom, they want to live for something, a life with meaning, and they're desperate for answers, as to how to obtain these things. Which is how they end up in there. They try to fill these voids with drugs, gangs, theft and they don't realize it's temporary and it's leading them places they don't want to go until it's too late.
And now, now that they've come to terms with where they're at, they realize that there's got to be an answer that satisfies. An answer that truly fills, and leads to true freedom. And it's the same God who led His people across the Red Sea, who can lead these guys to true freedom as well. That's the answer they're looking for. I just pray they see that soon.
These guys have been through a lot, and to be honest, many have nowhere else to go. They've hit rock bottom, and things don't look like they'll ever turn around. But that is where Christ comes in. I've seen Him radically change the lives of people around me, as well as mine, and I know He can do it again for these guys. They want to change. Believe it or not, they don't want to be in an institution like that for the rest of their lives. They want to change, they want freedom, they want to live for something, a life with meaning, and they're desperate for answers, as to how to obtain these things. Which is how they end up in there. They try to fill these voids with drugs, gangs, theft and they don't realize it's temporary and it's leading them places they don't want to go until it's too late.
And now, now that they've come to terms with where they're at, they realize that there's got to be an answer that satisfies. An answer that truly fills, and leads to true freedom. And it's the same God who led His people across the Red Sea, who can lead these guys to true freedom as well. That's the answer they're looking for. I just pray they see that soon.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
More Proof That God is a Practical Joker
A friend of mine brought up the subject of God's humor the other day, and I couldn't help but think about this. I've had some more time to think about it now, and I think I've come up with even more definitive proof, some of which is based on personal experience (try to guess which), that God is a practical joker.
1. Your house doesn't make weird noises until you're home alone- and it's night, and there's a thunderstorm, and the power's out.
2. People that are terrified of flying end up in the plane that hits turbulence - and the people with weak stomachs end up sitting beside them.
3. It rains more on weekends than weekdays- you know that event you had planned? Forget about it.
4. God convicts you to help a little old lady move her firewood - and then He puts a spider the size of a pumpkin under the first log you grab.
5. People love to swim. - Sharks do too. 'nuff said.
6. Make plans - as the saying goes, if you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans. And then sit back and watch as He hopelessly destroys them. Kind of like when your brother kicks over the sand castle you just made.
7. Have you ever dropped your keys in the toilet? -Yeah, God did that.
8. Nightmares - considering nyctophobia (fear of the dark) is one of the most common and shared fears known to man, I consider this playing dirty. Apparently, it's just not enough to get you when you're awake. Everyone knows that the best practical jokes are played when the victim is completely unsuspecting. And when is one more unsuspecting than when they're asleep? Just when you think you're safe, BOOM, you're running down a hallway with the boogeyman chasing you. And your shoes are made of cinder blocks.
9. You're playing disc golf with your brother and he throws the frisbee right in the middle of a road construction crew - whom are all wearing orange jumpsuits and have a cop standing close to them. You can imagine the feeling a 16 year old guy and his little brother get as they watch their frisbee mysteriously drift away from the intended target and land in the middle of a bunch of convicts.
10. Your seat comes unbuckled at the top of the hill of a rollercoaster - and it's your first one. Luckily, God loves you enough to have your friend who is roughly the size of a small gorilla sitting next to you. That way he can hold you down as you fly through the air of your cart.
Once again, I say that the evidence still points to the fact that God is a practical joker. And the scary thing is that sooner or later, I'm going to have even more examples, and not from just thinking about it either. Nope, He's going to get me. And rest assured (or maybe not, considering #8), that when it happens, that He's gonna get me good.
1. Your house doesn't make weird noises until you're home alone- and it's night, and there's a thunderstorm, and the power's out.
2. People that are terrified of flying end up in the plane that hits turbulence - and the people with weak stomachs end up sitting beside them.
3. It rains more on weekends than weekdays- you know that event you had planned? Forget about it.
4. God convicts you to help a little old lady move her firewood - and then He puts a spider the size of a pumpkin under the first log you grab.
5. People love to swim. - Sharks do too. 'nuff said.
6. Make plans - as the saying goes, if you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans. And then sit back and watch as He hopelessly destroys them. Kind of like when your brother kicks over the sand castle you just made.
7. Have you ever dropped your keys in the toilet? -Yeah, God did that.
8. Nightmares - considering nyctophobia (fear of the dark) is one of the most common and shared fears known to man, I consider this playing dirty. Apparently, it's just not enough to get you when you're awake. Everyone knows that the best practical jokes are played when the victim is completely unsuspecting. And when is one more unsuspecting than when they're asleep? Just when you think you're safe, BOOM, you're running down a hallway with the boogeyman chasing you. And your shoes are made of cinder blocks.
9. You're playing disc golf with your brother and he throws the frisbee right in the middle of a road construction crew - whom are all wearing orange jumpsuits and have a cop standing close to them. You can imagine the feeling a 16 year old guy and his little brother get as they watch their frisbee mysteriously drift away from the intended target and land in the middle of a bunch of convicts.
10. Your seat comes unbuckled at the top of the hill of a rollercoaster - and it's your first one. Luckily, God loves you enough to have your friend who is roughly the size of a small gorilla sitting next to you. That way he can hold you down as you fly through the air of your cart.
Once again, I say that the evidence still points to the fact that God is a practical joker. And the scary thing is that sooner or later, I'm going to have even more examples, and not from just thinking about it either. Nope, He's going to get me. And rest assured (or maybe not, considering #8), that when it happens, that He's gonna get me good.
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