Appendexplosion! POW! (A Story with Pictures! Wowza!)

For some reason, horrible experiences tend to be some of our favorite stories to tell. It's been said that bad choices make great stories, and I think the same goes with horrible experiences as well, probably because often they are hopelessly tangled together. One of my favorite horrible experiences to tell is the story of my appendicitis. It went something like this.

The day started out like any other day. Classes, homework, hanging out with friends, and basketball were the norm. However, the night turned out to be a little different. I had just gotten back from eating dinner at the school's cafeteria, and had decided to spend the evening in the library studying for a test. It wasn't long till my stomach started to feel a little funny. As the evening went on, my stomach grew worse, and I decided to call it a night, hoping that maybe I would feel better in the morning. The night went kind of like this.

Over the night the slight discomfort in my stomach had grown almost unbearable. I felt like I was going to explode. So I did what any self-respecting guy would do, I called my mom.

It's important to go into a little background here. When I was about 10, I pulled up a ramp close to my basketball goal, ran off it with the intention of dunking, and ended up lying on the pavement on top of my arm. By the time we got to the hospital, the pain had worn off, and everything was fine, but ever since then, Mom's sworn that it's all in my head whenever I get hurt. I could get stomped on by an elephant, but if she didn't see it, it'd all be in my head, and I'd be told to go dust my room. With this being said, when I called my mom, certain that I was about to die, she told me to take some Pepto Bismol (I didn't) and go back to bed. After about another half hour I called her again, and I was told to just go to the doctor if it hurt that bad (do you see the lack of sympathy here?).

I had won! I'd finally convinced Mom that something was wrong! Though it didn't take the edge off of the pain, it did make me a little happier. There was a doctor's office on the other side of campus I could go to. Because my stomach was hurting so bad it was getting hard to walk straight up, I decided to take the bus.

I was a freshman at the time, and up until that point had walked whenever I needed to get somewhere, so I had absolutely no idea regarding the bus routes. I hopped onto the first bus that came by my dorm, not realizing that it would take me to the opposite side of campus before taking me to the doctor side.

I finally made it to the doctor's office. I shuffled in, waited a little bit, and finally went in to meet him. I told him everything, and he decided he needed to check for appendicitis by pushing my stomach through my spine.

He confirmed I had appendicitis, and I walked outside to find my Granny had come to take me to the hospital. After about three or four hours laying on a table without any meds, they decided to move me to another hospital that actually did surgery.

Granted, they did have a psych ward too, but I didn't need that just yet. So, they took me to the other hospital, where by this point I was expecting my intestines to shoot out of my stomach and hit the ceiling. It'd been almost a whole day since this thing had started, and I'd had no pain meds the entire time. When we got to the other hospital, they immediately stuck me on morphine.

A little while later, they decided it was time for surgery. I was wheeled into the operating room, where I only remember two things. First was that it was very cold. Second, was looking to my right, and seeing a scene reminiscent of Saw with knives everywhere, just before passing out.

I woke up around 3 that night in some other room somewhere in the hospital. My nurse came in, said hi, and left as I fell back asleep. When I woke up again later that morning, a different nurse named Olga (no lie) came in and demanded that I get up and walk.

I tried to object, mentioning something about just coming out of surgery, but that didn't work.

After about two days in the hospital, and another few at home, I finally made it back to my dorm. Apparently , through the whole fiasco, I had forgotten to tell anyone on the dorm much of anything regarding what had happened. I had woken my roommate up early in the morning muttering something about driving to the hospital, but that was about it. When I finally showed back up, I was surprised at all the rumors that had been going around.

It took a little while, both to heal up, and to straighten out most of the stories (I might have let the bear one slide), but eventually everything ended up ok. My stomach healed up, I could walk again, and best of all, I'd I'd say the only problem with my recovery was hearing more funny jokes those first few days after surgery when it hurt to laugh than any other time in my life. It was certainly a miserable experience, and I definitely wouldn't do it again (not that I have a choice or anything), but I did learn a valuable lesson: don't ever wish to prove Mom wrong. You'll only end up in the hospital.

Experiences as a Nursing Assistant

I put my foot in the water, so to speak, into the medical field for the first time last week. I've been training as a nurse assistant for the past four weeks, and finally graduated last Friday. Part of our training involved working at a local nursing home, and the hospital. I loved it. Here's some of what I saw and experienced.

Met some awesome nursing assistants who truly love their job, and being able to serve others, and it shows in their work. Met a resident who was an extremely strong Christian, and is praying everyday for her grandson to find Christ. Got to hang out with two of the coolest old ladies you'll ever meet. Became a professional diaper changer. Had an old lady throw her grilled cheese across the table (it was 'burnt'). Made friends with a schizophrenic lady. Helped a stroke victim strengthen his legs. 'Teased' a granny fro. Watched as an elderly man in a wheelchair, scooted his wife, who is also in a wheelchair, to wherever they needed to go. Painted a lady's fingernails. Almost got pooped on. Washed a lady's feet. Worked on the oncology floor at the hospital, and helped admit a man with colon cancer. Helped aid with the comfort of a lady who was on her death bed. Communicated with a teary eyed, frustrated stroke victim with expressive aphasia (she can't talk), found out what she wanted, and made her laugh and shake my hand.  Gave baths. Had a very old lady ask me how pretty she was on a scale of 1 to 10 ("Well, a 12, of course."). Fed people. Saw a picture of a friend of mine in one of the resident's rooms. And had a conversation with a lady with dementia about how great bananas are.

This has seriously been one of the richer experiences of my life. Even though it was sometimes gross (I have some awesome poop stories), I loved every minute that we were there. I'm extremely thankful for this opportunity. It taught me a lot, and I'm looking forward to more opportunities like this in the future, as well as moving along in the medical field. 

Me: The New Nursing Assistant!

Just thought I'd let ya'll know how my first day in lab as a nursing assistant went.

I was trying to brush her teeth.

Favorite Textbook Quotes

College is 90% reading. That's one of the things that I probably should have realized about high school too, but unfortunately, reading the textbooks didn't become much of a priority until I got to college. Don't get me wrong, I read my books in high school too (actually "skimmed" is a better word), but after the first batch of tests my freshman year I realized that I'd have to actually comprehend what I read if I ever hoped to graduate with a GPA above a 1.4. It took a little while, but I think that I've gotten the hang of things now. However, as I paid better attention, I began to notice that some of the things that I'd read could come across as kind of funny when you thought about it, or had a major duh factor (sheesh, did they think I was a kinesiology major?). So, I began to make a list. Here are my favorite textbook quotes from this past semester.

1. "A second or third degree heart block in a client is a reason to discontinue exercise." - I would say it's a good one too.

2. "Exercise occurs when the person turns and moves in bed without help." - I didn't realize how healthy I must be! I exercise every morning!

3. "Pregnant women should avoid contact sports." - Football comes to mind.

4. "Peripheral Vascular Disease 4-Point Pain Scale" 
       "#3. Intense pain from which the patient's attention cannot be diverted except by catastrophic events such as a fire or explosion"
  -"Well doctor, my leg was hurting, but thanks to that earthquake now I feel fine!"

5. "Wet babies are extremely slippery."

6. "Patients with respiratory problems should discontinue exercise when they can no longer breathe." - Oh. Ok.

7. "BRP stands for bathroom privileges." - Not a right? I've been so ungrateful!

8. "Push the cuticles back with an orange stick." - And ONLY orange.

9. "Transmission of AIDS through saliva has never been reported. Therefore, it is safe to drink after AIDS patients." - Then I flipped to the next page. "Eventually, AIDS patients will develop open sores in their mouths."

10. "...a person may try to put slacks on over his or her head." - I'm not even sure what to do with this one.

11. "Signs and Symptoms of Illness in Babies"
               "#2. The baby looks sick."
                -Sounds reasonable to me.

12. "A person has electrical burns. The person is still in contact with the electrical source. What should you do?"
       "D. Cover the person with moist towels."
-Ok, so technically that one was on a test I took, but it actually made me laugh in the middle of class, so I thought it was worth sharing.

That's all I've got for the moment. Sadly, I didn't make this discovery until this past January (sigh). Oh well. Hopefully, this coming school year will give me plenty of other examples and there will be another post like this in the near future!

Even More Proof that God is a Practical Joker

It's May, and around here that means that it's time to harvest the hay. Most people pay no attention to May, but I have no choice, considering that I'm terribly allergic to the stuff. As I was sniffling and sneezing the other day, it dawned on me: what a cruel joke this is. Here I am horribly allergic to hay, just being around it, particularly when it's cut, makes my life miserable, and guess where I live. Yep, a hay farm. As I thought about this, it brought to mind my previous findings on why God must be a practical joker (Proof #1 & Proof #2). After much more thought, and musing on some previous experiences, I think I've found some more irrefutable proof that God is a practical joker.

1. Ugly babies - You waited 9 months for that?

2. I like listening to my iPod when I run - too bad my treadmill likes filling my body with static electricity.

3. Sitting across from "spitters" in the school cafeteria - You know, there's nothing quite as appalling as watching someone's saliva soar through the air and landing somewhere on your plate while you're talking to them. I think one of the reasons God made these people was for kicks and giggles. From putting hot sauce on someone's glass, to rigging the salt shaker to spill everywhere; ruining someone's food is a classic sign of a practical joker.They're great people to be friends with if you're trying to loose weight though.

4. Causing your parents to think about you in the middle of a test - on the one day you forget to silence your phone.

5. Driver's license pictures - Have you ever had a good one? Me neither.

6. The first round of American Idol - God made their voices for our entertainment.

7. At home I'm extremely graceful - I can drink a glass of water, cook an omelet, swiffer the floor, and juggle 4 glasses all at the same time. But put me at a friend's house that I don't know very well, and I'm almost guaranteed to break that glass I just reached for.

8. I told God I'd do whatever He wants, as long as I can stay in Virginia. - He called me to China.

9. For some reason I keep forgetting to take my socks off - right before I get in the shower.

10. Appalachian Trail through-hikers - For 3 months out of every year, men and women hiking from Georgia to Maine come through my state. These people are stinky, wear dirty clothes, carry everything they own with them, and need to shave (sometimes the women too). I love the Appalachian Trail, and love to talk with these people, but sometimes conversations like this happen: "Hey, are you hiking the Appalachian Trail? You smell like a hiker." ( a common AT joke and greeting) To which the person replies, "No, I'm homeless."

As you can see, the evidence that God is a practical joker is almost insurmountable. This amounts to thirty-one different reasons that God must be a practical joker. With this much evidence, it can almost be considered a fact. So watch your back, and remember that the greatest sign of a practical joker is that you can never get them back, and they never quit. I mentioned before that God was going to get me again sometime in the near future. This list is proof that I was right. So rest assured, God will get me again, and He'll probably get you too, and when He does, He's gonna get us good.

I'd Like One Too, Please

My brother and I saw this guy at Sam's Club today. He was turned around, but unfortunately the camera's flash was on, and he turned around pretty quick when the bread all around him suddenly lit up, as two slightly embarrassed, laughing guys made a rather quick exit.

Greatest Quotes of Spring '12

Another semester has come and gone, and once again I've been keeping track of some of the greatest quotes and conversations in order to give a small idea of what things have been like lately. Here you go.

• "Sil, when you're older are you gonna have a cool voice like Morgan Freeman?"
• "I'd be so ticked if my kid got pregnant. That's why I want boys."
• K-"She's one of them home school girls that stays in her room 23/7." Me-"23/7?" K-"Yeah, she's gotta go to class!"
• "Hey! Get back here! I can't be creeping on people by myself! I need an accountability partner!"
• Professor-"What's that on your face?" Girl in class-"Ringworm."
• "I took the bus the other day, and it was just me and a bunch of white people. My first thought was, 'White people take the bus?!'"
• "Hey! Quit acting like a pregnant girl!"
• Professor-"I realize a lot of this lecture is common sense, but I've got to say it for the kinesiology majors."